Could you imagine? GEJ is working for Buhari!

Goodluck working for Buhari

By Akinshilo Ayomide

It seems that with every attempt made by the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) to discredit the All Progressives Congress (APC) Presidential candidate, Gen Muhammadu Buhari, favours the former general who was maligned for his military rule almost 40 years ago. From certificate issues to age issues to military tendency issues to religious issues, Buhari seems to be turning more heads against Jonathan as he escapes obstacles. Elnathan John describes how Jonathan and his “Presidential croonies” have been working for Buhari secretly.

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It must be hard to watch the rival, who is not in power, fill up stadiums state after state during the campaigns.

I would be lucky if I had the people that Buhari had: people like Femi Fani-Kayode, who, with every single statement he makes, drives people away from Goodluck Jonathan; or the Niger Delta ex-militants, who make people afraid of Goodluck Jonathan;

As a team, they do more than all the people directly campaigning for Buhari put together. Maybe it is all a plan though and even Goodluck Jonathan is actually working for Buhari.

All week, members of the ruling opposition party, the PDP, have cast doubts over Buhari’s state of health. They have insinuated that he was in London, not for a Chatham House lecture, but to covertly seek medical attention. I have no intention of intervening in this matter. When my two main opponents are fighting it can only be in my interest as a candidate.

Being in power and in the opposition at the same time must be a difficult thing. It must be hard to watch the rival, who is not in power, fill up stadiums state after state during the campaigns.

And, you know, Femi Fani-Kayode, spokesperson of the PDP Presidential Campaign, said the APC was planning to simulate attacks on some of its own leaders with a view to accusing the PDP of being responsible for the attacks. This clearly happened in London when certain protesters were gathered outside the venue of Buhari’s lecture with placards and T-shirts denouncing him. Femi Fani-Kayode is a prophet. He predicted the APC paying protesters to do anti-Buhari campaigns in order to make the PDP look desperate. Shame on the APC for succeeding.

I think the solution to this problem could be for the PDP to control the narrative by paying for their own protests and attacks on the APC. At least then they would be able to put forward intelligent sounding protesters who will not embarrass the party when the press interviews them. Or they could do the reverse: pay protesters to hold up placards against the PDP and accuse the APC of sponsoring protests. That would even be better.

Also, if I was the PDP, I would shock the APC by waiting until one or two weeks to the election, then releasing Goodluck Jonathan’s PhD dissertation. I would make it freely available at holdups and bookstores. I would serialise it in all the major newspapers. That would really upset the balance of things. It is hard to quarrel with a PhD dissertation.

While researching the president this week I found two important facts. First, that when he was in the third class in high school he was the secretary of the College Food Committee. This has to mean something. I am not sure why the Goodluck campaign team has not included this somewhere in his campaign.

Heaven knows if I had anything like that in my past, I would milk it. I would make posters saying that God, knowing the huge problems around food security that would emerge in Nigeria’s future, prepared me right from high school to tackle this. I would liken myself to the Biblical Joseph who was prepared to be a leader by being appointed to the task of gathering and storing food for Egypt in preparation of a predicted period of famine. This would have been better than Doyin Okupe just saying that Jonathan is like Jesus.

The second fact I discovered was that Goodluck Jonathan appears to have co-authored an academic paper titled “Identification of West African Estuarine Shrimp and Crab Larvae” in 1985. This was one of the greatest tests of my campaign. I really like shrimp. It is one of my weaknesses. It is hard to stand against a man who knows so much about shrimp.

Let me come back to the fact that the APC and PDP confuse me. I am convinced that a number of people who work with and around the president are secretly working for the APC and Buhari. And these are the most effective campaigners for Buhari.

I would be lucky if I had the people that Buhari had: people like Femi Fani-Kayode, who, with every single statement he makes, drives people away from Goodluck Jonathan; or the Niger Delta ex-militants, who make people afraid of Goodluck Jonathan; or Olisa Metuh, who makes people irritated with Goodluck Jonathan; or Ayo Fayose, who makes people angry with Goodluck Jonathan.

As a team, they do more than all the people directly campaigning for Buhari put together. Maybe it is all a plan though and even Goodluck Jonathan is actually working for Buhari. Maybe that is why he handled the matter of the Chibok girls so badly or why he recommended Musiliu Obanikoro as Minister right after his Ekiti rigging scandal, or why he pardoned Diepreye Alamieyeseigha while claiming to be fighting corruption.

Maybe this is a conspiracy to join forces against me because they are afraid that if they do not merge I will win the elections. I don’t know. I just don’t know. Sometimes, this life is a pot of beans.

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